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coachella

Cheaper the Crook, The Gaudier the Patter Week 16

April 22, 2018 by Rob

The last few weeks have been such a tremendous global cluster frak that I haven’t been much interested in boring you, my dedicated reader, with my hottest hot takes.  It’ certainly has been our worst, but it’s absolutely not our best.  Still, like a circus bear on roller skates, we keep rolling forward.

ITEM: Multi-day festivals like Coachella sound like a fucking nightmare: tweens dressed for a fashion show, minor celebrities, drugs and drink.  The heat and bodies and portajohns.  I wouldn’t have done it 20 years ago.  I honestly don’t care about Beyonce and I don’t believe that you do either.  That’s okay; I’m not her target demo.

ITEM: I’d rather go to the zoo and see baby gorillas and brand new elephants and ride the carousel three times in a row on a rainy Sunday morning.  Living our best lives. Adopt an elephant or a gorilla.  Get a FONZ membership.

ITEM: War on Drugs was playing while I stood in line at the Giant tonight.  I’m old. 

ITEM: A Tale of Two Waffle Houses:  First, black man saves his own ass and God knows how many other people by wrestling a rifle from a white, pantsless assassin.  Second, a girl is tackled and stripped naked by three white cops for questioning a 50 cent charge for plastic cutlery on a take out order and dropping an F bomb. Yes, cracker, it’s all about race.

ITEM: Misery Class on track for FAA approval.  The 1% get something special.

ITEM: None of the wee Bairn’s pants have pockets.  The Bairn loves rocks and flowers and tiny knock-off Lego spacemen that look perpetually pissed off.  It’s bad enough that everything on a rack is pink and fluffy.  Add some damn pockets.  If you care about her silouette more than her .

ITEM: NO

ITEM: Just watched The Shape of Water.  This review in the preeminent conservative rag was written by a coked up 11th grader Incel.

ITEM: It’s ghost will haunt that building for an eternity

Filed Under: Gaudy Patter Tagged With: coachella, fb, ghost, gorilla, incel, misery class hero, monkey, wee bairn

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